Jungle Junction!

“We’re off to the game reserve to see what we can see…”

Those words float through my head as we arrive at one of durbans finest play areas for kids. However this is more like a jungle! There is the kamakaze pilot ploughing down into the ball pit! The speedsters racing around the track and sending feeble infants and unwise parents into a flurry! Not to mention the daredevils literally swinging from the ceiling on a trapeze made with nothing but rubber and nylon rope. Some mothers quietly slip panado’s into their mouths whilst watching the ongoings whilst others pretend to browse the products on sale in the hope that nobody saw what her kid just did.

As for my son, well being farm people you would think that we are tough. Ah ha, this is the first problem you see! We are not as used to so many kids as city people. So when my unseasoned toddler daringly flops into the ball pit and comes up for a breath, he does not expect the kamakaze pilot to touchdown on his head. Nor does he expect the wrestling match going on next to him. But he shakes it off and carries on. Next to the racetrack. Of course he is used to riding a stoot-toot, who isnt! What he isnt used to is the kid who knocks him off the bike and steals it before he can even bat an eyelid. No bother though, he just quietly picks up another one and keeps going.

I had to giggle at the little girl in the shop area. She wanted a toy and out of all the possible wonderful creations there for sale, the toy that she wanted the most… a broom! Can you believe it?? Talk about early gender stereotyping, my my my how she will regret that choice in 20 years time. Her father smiles at me gleefully and notes that he in fact never even had to encourage her to choose the broom – it came naturally! And dont forget the abandoned naked baby dolls lying strewn throughout the playground – this place really is the jungle! Sandpits of terrors, ballpits of death and trapeze artists flying overhead. I have to say though that I loved it and definitely would have stayed longer. My husband however nearly had a panic attack and his anxiety shot through the roof.

So we may be farm people that are seasoned to cow poop and AI’ing animals, but its a whole other world when it comes to the Kingdom of the Toddler. NOT for sissies I tell you! And this isnt even high school. Felt like i needed to prepare my kid for a knife fight just in case. “Hey Jem, you did good my boy! Now knock that sucker down – roar!” City kids, met Eish!

Toilet Humour!

Sometimes as a mum your only real break is that 3.5 minutes hidden in solitude behind the gregarious doors of your toilet! It may be for a number 1, or it may be for a number 2 – perhaps it is just for the break where you can clear your head. Every mum knows though that within minutes – guaranteed – you are going to hear a confident knock on the door and the words “mommy, what you doing?” I smile to myself as i remember that i locked the door and the little sweetheart cannot get in. But low and behold when I am in the most awkward position possible, that door opens and he walks in to examine the ongoings of mommy’s private time. (Guess the door wasnt as locked as I thought!) But he doesnt stop there, no! He must also examine your buttcrack to make sure that it too is as clean as you made sure his was. Children, an endless game of fun fun fun.

Even this was hard…

So im writing this with one hand and swinging the computer chair to and fro. Why you might ask? Well as i stretch over to the shift key to try and get a question mark in here, i ponder this very thing. Could it be that i have a hungry shark gnawing on my nipple? Cue – enter the toddler with a mirror he is using as a bat! Shark wakes up and begins to endlessly smile at me as if I really am now in the mood for bonding. Sigh, all in a days work I guess. Of course the rugby is on so one can definitely not expect the husband to manage the kids whilst you selflessly or selfishly pursue your writing dream! I mean surely not?

And this is how it goes, being a parent I mean. Slug another glass of wine, red and semi sweet. Mmm, I can see a few raised eyebrows. But i am not super mom, in fact i cant – wait toddler just shot ball across room and knocked over wine glass – as i was saying, cant even be bothered to ensure that all my letter ‘i’s are in capitals. And toddler pulls out draw with all the files in and then motions that his finger is now officially sore even though the drawer never touched it. What time is bed? Not that that matters, sleepless nights are in order with a toddler and baby.

Shout out to any mother who is feeling this vibe right now! Raise your glasses or half glasses of red wine in a salute to yourself and remember, you are not alone! Somebody out there too is having an evening just like yours. “Cheers mommy” says my toddler. Good grief, and these are the good years!